christmas doesn't change reality

as my privileged, white, middle class behind is flown (on the dime of my parents) back home for christmas, another family mourns. a student at my school has fallen victim to gang violence in oakland. that is the second this year. where do i fit in this cycle of poverty and violence? i have means. means to money. means to education. means to a healthy lifestyle. why? because im white. im from a safe city. a stable family. oakland's youth are stripped of that. a crippled education system. inadequate health care. broken families.

as i sit in front of a fireplace, sipping wine, around people i love and love me in return...i can't help but feel a bit selfish, angry, hypocritical. yet...i am blessed. i have privilege. i have means. that MEANS i have the power and resources to fight for those who lack it.

hope floats.

Hope. It's that beautiful thing you find in the muckiest places.

Oakland is one big pile of muck. The gangs. The drugs. The violence. The fear. The innocent people who are sucked into that cycle. The suffering. It is easy for me to get lost in it all. And feel, well, hopeless. Like there is nothing I can do, nothing I can change to fix it. In a lot of ways, that's pretty darn true. The typical thought going through my head, when I go to the clinic or the school is "here comes the helpless, unqualified white girl to teach you high-risk youth about health. sweet." Sometimes it is terribly overwhelming. But in peeling away that layer of despair, I have discovered that hope is all around.

Hope is the new clinic opened at my school. You should have seen the faces of the community when they saw it. "Que bonito, que bonito." how beautiful, how beautiful. That clinic, that FREE clinic, is a symbol of hope amongst all the wrong.

Hope is my students, many of whom are involved in gangs, realize their potential and discover their leadership. It is their dedication, motivation, and investment to be a peer health educator. Hope is in their laughs, their brilliance, and their dreams. Their resiliency. Hope is Alternatives in Action (http://www.alternativesinaction.org/) , the org that coordinates all the after-school programs.

Hope is the smile from the homeless man on the corner. It lies within my casa-mates, my coworkers, and my new home in Oakland/Berkeley. It is glimmers of beauty and glimpses of God's love.

In other news I have done some pretty bomb ass things the past month

- I saw Rigoberta Menchu speak. A nobel peace prize winner.

-hiked in the Berkeley hills

-volunteered at A Day for Forgiveness

-Watched a Cal game from a hill

-went wine tasting in Napa

-Rode a Mexican party bus

-Went to House of Air. (a warehouse filled with trampolines)

More adventures to come :)

life lately.

i apologize for the lack of posts lately...to be honest, I have been avoiding it. So much has happened in the past few weeks. beautiful moments. frustrating moments. and silly moments, too.

let's talk about some frustrating moments first, so we can end on a high note...

I love teaching my peer-health education group. I love my girls, and even recently I recruited one, brave male to join our troop...trust me, i'm all about the small victories. My students make me laugh until I cry (they try to teach me how to be thug...insert great mental image here), but they break my heart as well. Some are in gangs, others are into drugs, and have horrific family problems. Because of them and their stories, I don't think I can possibly view the world and our country in the same light. I am ruined and I can't help but feel completely and utterly helpless and unqualified at work. My measly biomedical science degree is worthless and I really bring very little experience to the table. I have to keep telling myself...ok, al, breathe. get over your obstacles, you are a JV, this is what you signed up for (maybe? or absolutely not at all?), and focus. Rather than focus on what seems like insurmountable differences amongst myself and my students, I try to simply be present to them...to meet them where they are, and listen, and educate, provoke discussion, lead by example. i've seen so much beauty and glimpses of God in that.

A coworker and I finally started our substance abuse group at the high school. Our first meeting with the teens was intense and powerful and frustrating. To hear the stories of what oakland teens are exposed to at such a young age was disturbing, but to hear their hope and will for change was inspiring. It left me feeling ready to burst into tears, nervous giggle, and smile all at once. Again, I remind myself to be present and supportive. The group meets each Wednesday.

Sorry these last two paragraphs are so disjointed and full of half thoughts, but that's all I got right now :) Work has been crazy busy lately...since the new school clinic opens in a few short weeks. IM SO EXCITED.

In other news, i am falling in love with my community (HI CASAMATES). sure, sometimes we drive each other crazy, but i am so thankful for all their support and love. we can be silly and laugh as we enjoy a meal or have a discussion about social justice or spirituality. i love hearing their different perspectives and having those sometimes really uncomfortable conversations. in the last few weeks, i feel like we have taken leaps and bounds as a community, because we got off to a really slow start. i'm so grateful for their effort and commitment to our casa, because it really is like a 2nd full-time job. as many of you know, i have never been very good at letting people into my thoughts and support me, but i have decided that this is the year to take the plunge. it's a work in progress!

...and we threw a BANGIN halloween party this past weekend. JVs from Sacromento, San Jose, Santa Clara, and Oakland made the trek to Berkeley. It was really wonderful to see everyone, since we haven't all been together since orientation, and it's really refreshing to be around people who are sharing a similar JV experience.

sending my love love love.

P dot S i'll be in the CLE in 3 short weeks. So pumped. Call me and we'll rendezvous

this is real. disclaimer: mom, don't read this one.

hello, hello. i've had a few stellar and eye-opening weeks behind me.

so let me tell you about the real Oakland, the real United States. a reality that some people don't know exists, or even choose to ignore. it angers me, yet fuels my passion.

1. A few weeks ago, a young man by the name of Raymen Justice was shot and killed in east oakland. He was a student where I teach peer health. He was shot in the back of the head by a bus stop...on his way home from tutoring. you've probably never heard his name, nor know what he looks like or what he did on a daily basis. that's probably because he was black. that's probably because he was from dumpy, violent, trashy east oakland. because of these things, these silly details, he's just another number, a statistic, another grave dug, another victim of something that happens here every day. what if he were white? what if he were middle-class? people would know about it to give him, his family, and his community dignity. it would be on national news. his life was equally precious as those taken at columbine, as natalie halloway, as jon bonnett ramsey. here, in this reality, this is normal.

2. this past week i've spent some time at Native American Health Center's high school clinics. that's right...clinics right on campuses in the inner city. health care is accessible, and confidential. there, health takes an educational approach. the clinic is so well-rounded, it is incredible. students can come in for an appointment and be examined by a provider. wait...they need counseling? shuffle them right down the hall to mental health services! they aren't eating healthy? nutritionists are right on board, too. this is the type of clinic that will be opening on the campus where i teach and where i'll call home....can't flippin' wait til it opens in november!

3. speaking of the high school clinic, its importance was only validated even more to me this week. many of the appointments are young ladies coming in for birth control, emergency contraception, and pregnancy tests. i've had the pleasure of working with an awesome nurse practitioner, jayme. she's wonderful with her patients and takes time to educate them. i know i have been educated like that when i have visited the doctor in the past. that education is sooooo important, especially for teens, who are beginning to make their own decisions and make habits that last for their life time. it frustrates me how ignorant they are and really how our education system has failed them in big ways. For example, a girl came in last week and asked the question as she was waiting for the results of her pregnancy test, "sooo HIV ain't no big thang, right???" as i started beating my head against the wall, jayme took at least 20 minutes with her to explain STI's and how to prevent them. yikes.

4. gangs. they plague oakland with violence and drug abuse. border brothers. nortenos. among others. there's a battle and war over turf and pride. youth as young as 11 join, and submit themselves to a life of paranoia, fear, violence, and constantly watching your back. any moment you could be shot down because of the colors you are wearing. at a peer health education and leadership retreat last friday, i had the pleasure of meeting cesar cruz. a former gang member, who runs after-school programs that brings young gang members together...no matter their affiliation in a safe space. he teaches them latino history because that's not what is written in history books. i also met a young man named juan. a gang member as well spoke to the peer health educators. his best friend was shot and died in his arms. now he working on turning his life around. read more about cesar and his work here http://www.insidebayarea.com/top-stories/ci_14102891

this is the most real thing that i have ever done or experienced. so for those of you who think that jvc or a year of service is a waste of time....think again and i'll save the desk job for later.

now i'm going to go listen to drake's "fancy" so i know what the hell my students are singing all the time. you fancy huhhhhh!

besitos and thanks for your love

a night with the jezzies (aka jesuits)

Sunday, September 26th, may have been my best and most treasured day as a JV thus far. And SURPRISE! It had nothing to do with my job. I've just realized that I've been writing tons about work and very little about other aspects of life as a JV, which are just as, if not more important than our work. Living Simply. Intentional Community. Social Justice. Spirituality.

Man...was I ever smacked in the face with those four values last night! It was wild. My community, along with the JV community of Oakland, were invited for mass and dinner at the Jesuit Residence of Oakland. 6 Jesuit priests live there together in intentional community. They all have different vocations...among them a community organizer, a peace activist, a doctor, a professor at UC Berkeley, etc. I was truly in the presence of some phenomenal individuals. One Jesuit, Fr. Steve, the kindest, meekest looking 60 something you will ever lay your eyes on, has spent 6 1/2 years of his life in jail. What? A jesuit? a criminal? Maybe by federal standards...but Fr. Steve went to jail on multiple occasions for his acts of protest against war, nuclear weapons, and torture. He, along with 4 others who belong to Plowshares, a Christian organization dedicated to ending war violence, broke into a naval base, where 25% of the US's nuclear weapons are housed. The average age among these protesters was about 75! wow. They face fines up to $250,000 and up to 10 years in prison. With their act, they brought awareness of the lack of security on this base. I was certainly inspired by his passion to fight for what he believes is right. And to go to jail for that? wild. Here's a good source if you want to know more http://disarmnowplowshares.wordpress.com/

And amongst this group of intellectuals and overall amazing priests were the motley crew of JVs! Together, men who have dedicated their lives to social justice and young people, just beginning our journey, gathered around a dining room table and celebrated mass, firm believers and the more skeptical alike. It was so simple. Without all the fuss. We shared our intentions. It was beautiful, and refreshing. Catholic, and universal. I was so blessed to be in the presence of that community, that love, and that faith.

.....................plus, i got a bomb dot com meal, so you better believe i'll be back there, jesuits!

teacha teachaaa

Rewind to 9/9/10:

Last week was seriously a whirl-wind of an adventure. After-school programs started at the high school on the same campus as UFSA, meaning I started teaching and facilitating a peer-health education program for students. I have 15 energetic (that is an understatement) teen aged ladies in my class. I'm not very happy about the single sex dynamic...we need some male prospective on health, too, but that is a seperate issue in itself.

Let me tell you a little story about Ms. B's first day because it was quite the experience...

I'm super excited to begin (yes, a little nervous bc let's be real...I have no idea what im doing) and have a plethora of fun activities planned for my class. We start class with some basic introductions. I ask the kids to say their name, grade, a hobby, and a role model that they have. I'll give you some dialogue to paint a little picture of how this went...

Me: Ok....Stephanie it's your turn.

Stephanie: Yo, my name be Stephanie. But all y'all can call me Skribblez, S-K-R-I-B-B-L-E-Z.

Me: Stephanie...er yeah...Stephanie, what is your hobby??

Stephanie: My hobby be tagging.

This incident sparked a million emotions that are listed below that I probably did not hide from my face (really, I wish someone had a camera).

1. This is hilarious.

2. I have never felt so white.

3. I AM SPEECHLESS

4. I feel really sad. I may not be prolific graffiti artist, but I definitely know that there are more positive (and legal?!) ways to release energy and creativity.

Despite this moment of hilarity and maybe a little panic that I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, my first class went really well. We had a great discussion about what it means to be a leader and how that can tie to peer health education. the girls behaved, minus cell phone use, which were promptly taken away. score. I must admit that I did leave the class feeling a bit uneasy...I can't help but ignore the differences between my students and I. I come from North Royalton, Ohio, a sheltered suburbia, where the cops occupy themselves by eating donuts and busting minors for violating curfew. When I was 14 and Skribblez mentioned her love for tagging, I probably would have ran away and shouted "you're it!" Seriously. I am privileged. To be white. To be middle-class. To come from where I did. My students are just not that fortunate. They know drugs, violence, and gangs right in their neighborhood. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am looking for ways to celebrate our similarities, as healthy people, as students, as women, as leaders.

Fast forward to 9/14/2010:

Peer Health Education session 2. Fascinating. It was absolutely fascinating.

We started with ice breakers....let me establish my personal feelings on the matter. I hate them. Alot. But my kids freakin' can't get enough of them...go figure.

The lesson I had planned turned out completely differently than I expected, and it was a truly powerful experience. We began in small groups, each reading a different article on different topics in health, like drug use, depression, and nutrition. The girls began to pinpoint the health problems that they see most prevalently in school. Want to know what they said? Drugs, bullying, and MONEY. Yes, money. Although they don't have much of it, my girls recognize our materialistic society and how so many people make money a priority over all else.

The discussion took an interesting turn, and we began talking about the language the teens use at school. "money ova broke bitches" "nigga" "gay" the list went on and on. they had never though these words and sayings as derogatory, but i was so impressed to see how they attentively they listened as I tried (?) my best to explain the origins of the words. (Side note: to my nerdy, wordy friends, specifically claire and lj, you would have loved it.)

They began to think critically about the social culture of their school. They asked questions. And challenged each other. SWOON. It was really empowering.

ciao ciao!

two weeks of crazy

Oh loyal readers, I have SO much to tell you! My first couple weeks in the East Bay area have been wonderfully busy. Let me give you the low down about my job...

So as many of you know I am working for a non-profit clinic called Native American Health Center. This clinic has many satellite clinics throughout the Bay. My home base clinic is called 7 directions. The name comes from a belief in Native American culture that beyond the traditional 4 directions of N, S, E, and W, they include a vision toward the heavens (up) with feet planted firmly on the ground (down), and the heart from within looking forward. Cool right? Also, did you know that the Bay Area has one of the highest Native American populations in the country? I was surprised to...Anyway, my clinic is in a predominantly hispanic neighborhood of Oakland called Fruitvale. Street signs and store fronts are all written in spanish. Taco trucks, fruit stands, and pastelerias line the streets (and continue to tempt my thin wallet)! The area is plagued by an abundance of poverty, and drug and gang violence. My commute to Fruitvale takes about 45 minutes from my house in Berkeley, but so far I'm oddly enjoying it. I walk about a mile to BART (bay area rapid transport), and after about a 20 min ride I walk another mile to work.

More specifically, NAHC has a few school-based health centers. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! I LOVE the concept. It's genius really...where else can you better give kids health care than at school where they go everyday? The clinics provide free care and services for both students and families, who would not be able to access it otherwise. Healthy kids (mentally, physically, emotionally)=a better learning environment. In a couple months NAHC will open another clinic at United for Success Academy (http://ousdms.ousd.k12.ca.us/ufs/site/default.asp). Don't let the word "academy" fool you...it is a public school for grades 6-8. The middle school consistently underperforms on state mandated tests, and 92% of students are on free lunch. My job as a health educator, specifically is to facilitate health education programs along with a co-worker, as well as serve as a medical assistant once the clinic officially opens. I get to lead my own peer-health and leadership education group of little rugrats, too, so send some teaching tips my way! This definitely makes me nervous, but I'm so excited to interact with these kids and get creative.

My first encounter with the kids of United for Success was at school registration. NAHC needed parents to fill out consent forms for the new clinic, check immunization records (which hasn't been done in the past...WHAT!), and collect emergency contact info. It was utter chaos to say the least. Think 450 kids, each with a latino entourage of extended family averaging about 7 people, and all of them in your face bantering on in rapid spanish. haha. My spanish has already improved and I am pumped that I get to use it each day. Beyond all these logistics of filling out forms and presenting records, I got a better idea of the population that I will work with this year. Many (I'd even venture to say most) parents spoke zero English, and a number of them could not read or write. Some kids even struggled with English, and had translate for their parents. Beyond the spanish, some parents only spoke indigenous languages from Guatemala or Mexico. Quite the interesting dynamic...and a lot of stress to put on a child to communicate with the outer English-speaking world to their parents. It was certainly a lot to take in.

At this point, I find myself having a hard time connecting with my students. I am privileged to be white, upper middle class citizen, and I'm trying to relate to these kids who have already suffered with more than I can imagine...from abusive parents and rape, to drugs and severe learning delays. I'm astounded by how open they are with their personal lives. Many have never even left the city limits of Oakland. They break my heart, but warm my soul with their resilience to keep going and holding on to that dream to be successful. Hmph.

On a lighter note...here are some things I have learned/seen/discovered while in Cali.

1. Hippies are everywhere...along with their babies, who they also give dread locks.

2. Law students are pretentious pigs, and I will avoid law students and lawyers at all costs (I apologize to anyone this may offend)

3. An establishment that is a chinese restaurant by day, hip hop and dance bar by night makes for a great drunken evening, and even better stories.

4. People can live in trees.

5. People do not jaywalk.

6. living on a budget gives me a headache.

7. one word....yogurtland aka frozen yogurt heaven. a self-serve frozen delight for only 30 cents an oz! even i can afford that!

8. you can smell pot on every street corner and see people smoking on the streets...slight culture shock for a midwestern gal.

9. by working in fruitvale, i have grown accustomed to and even enjoy latino rap. ayayay daddy yankee!

10. i'm starting to catching on to local Oakland gangsta slang. y'all be lookin' HECKA FINE!

11. many of my coworkers are very spiritual, for a lack of a better word. i consistently hear lines like "ohhhh gurrrrrlllll, I am lovin' your energy!"

12. it is doable to live on 100$ a month (says the girl who could easily drop that in a day)

....love you all.