christmas doesn't change reality

as my privileged, white, middle class behind is flown (on the dime of my parents) back home for christmas, another family mourns. a student at my school has fallen victim to gang violence in oakland. that is the second this year. where do i fit in this cycle of poverty and violence? i have means. means to money. means to education. means to a healthy lifestyle. why? because im white. im from a safe city. a stable family. oakland's youth are stripped of that. a crippled education system. inadequate health care. broken families.

as i sit in front of a fireplace, sipping wine, around people i love and love me in return...i can't help but feel a bit selfish, angry, hypocritical. yet...i am blessed. i have privilege. i have means. that MEANS i have the power and resources to fight for those who lack it.

hope floats.

Hope. It's that beautiful thing you find in the muckiest places.

Oakland is one big pile of muck. The gangs. The drugs. The violence. The fear. The innocent people who are sucked into that cycle. The suffering. It is easy for me to get lost in it all. And feel, well, hopeless. Like there is nothing I can do, nothing I can change to fix it. In a lot of ways, that's pretty darn true. The typical thought going through my head, when I go to the clinic or the school is "here comes the helpless, unqualified white girl to teach you high-risk youth about health. sweet." Sometimes it is terribly overwhelming. But in peeling away that layer of despair, I have discovered that hope is all around.

Hope is the new clinic opened at my school. You should have seen the faces of the community when they saw it. "Que bonito, que bonito." how beautiful, how beautiful. That clinic, that FREE clinic, is a symbol of hope amongst all the wrong.

Hope is my students, many of whom are involved in gangs, realize their potential and discover their leadership. It is their dedication, motivation, and investment to be a peer health educator. Hope is in their laughs, their brilliance, and their dreams. Their resiliency. Hope is Alternatives in Action (http://www.alternativesinaction.org/) , the org that coordinates all the after-school programs.

Hope is the smile from the homeless man on the corner. It lies within my casa-mates, my coworkers, and my new home in Oakland/Berkeley. It is glimmers of beauty and glimpses of God's love.

In other news I have done some pretty bomb ass things the past month

- I saw Rigoberta Menchu speak. A nobel peace prize winner.

-hiked in the Berkeley hills

-volunteered at A Day for Forgiveness

-Watched a Cal game from a hill

-went wine tasting in Napa

-Rode a Mexican party bus

-Went to House of Air. (a warehouse filled with trampolines)

More adventures to come :)