i am alive

"You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you."

this week things feel different. different in a thought provoking, wildly beautiful way. although it is a constant battle to remain present in my community and work, i am so happy to be where i am, doing what i'm doing. i'm learning more than i can explain about myself, my spirituality, my community, the global community, and health care. i am alive and my passion is stirred. this is right.

i wake up everyday so excited to go to work. to see my students. to chat with patients. to work on my spanish (que chistosa!!). what i do everyday is something i believe so deeply and profoundly in. a world where healthcare and education merge. i am energized and free. this is my world and i have never felt so alive.

read me

a teacher from my school wrote this...
http://www.tolerance.org/blog/disparities-school-lunch

the world in the hands of an angry blogger

I spent the past 5 days in Aptos, CA for a JVC re-orientation retreat. The theme was social justice. It was a time to relax and reconnect with the values that led us to JVC in the first place, and a recommittment to our work and why we are doing it. I really needed the time to reflect on my work...sometime I have been desperately putting off for a while now. JVC brought in some stellar speakers who shared their insight on Catholic Social Thought, Kinship & Social Justice, Faith in Action, and Discernment. It's slightly ironic that my last post was about Fr Greg Boyle, because he came and spoke....man, what a special guy. He spoke alot about kinship as a value as opposed to social justice. It is the idea that only by accompanying the marginalized, being one with them, and gaining a mutual understanding. That there is no them, only an us...and that in fact we belong to each other.

JVC retreats are all about engaging and interacting with our peers to build our perspective...but we are also given time to decompress and reflect in silence for a few designated hours. That time for me was emotional, profound, as I sat still in the presence of God. I reflected. I cried. And I got really angry. Like really angry. For those of you readers who know me, it takes a lot to push me over the edge, but these feelings rushed over me like a flood.

Anger that Stephanie at age 14 continually feels the need to gang bang and get high.

Anger that a 7th grader can't speak english and how scary school must be every day for him.

Anger that a 40 year old hasn't seen a doctor in years...not out of personal choice.

Anger that a 6th grader doesn't remember his address because his family is so transient.

Anger that it is taking me forever to track down a translator to help a Nepalese patient.

Anger that undocumented immigrants are too afraid to get resources that they need.

Anger that people don't receive the dignity and honor and respect that is their right...and that I can't always give it to them.

Most importantly: Anger that i'm angry at all these things and remember that the U.S. in one country with a tangled web of issues, which in comparison to other countries we are blessed to have. Ah, global perspective.

This anger, I suppose is God moving within me and setting my heart on fire. This anger, those tears....examining what is real. That was prayer.

That prayer bursting from my depths, emotions that I have neglected to release.