me sick vs them sick

What makes me sick doesn't make my kids sick.

How I get sick: coming in contact with bacteria/viruses. genetics. stress (that is mostly self-induced). unhealthy choices of my own accord.

What makes my kids sick: low socioeconomic status (lack of funds for health care, medicine, healthy food) . lack of a consistent doctor. abuse. gang violence. drugs. broken families.

In my school the need of mental health care is overwhelming because look at what our society has done to them and the stresses that they bear. I can't help but think that the psychological stress of some students manifests itself physically.

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In other news, Happy Lent.

I'm giving up facebook, and watching TV online.

I hate my dependence on technology and how much time I mindlessly waste on the internet. I'm hoping through this fast that I can focus on things that give me energy and are life-giving to me and those around me. I'll pick up the phone to stay in touch with friends, or better yet send a letter. I'll journal and reflect on my job and JV experience. I'll read more (and learn more). Hell, maybe I'll find a new hobby. Spend more time with my casamates, and be more present at work. I guess I'm looking to center myself, and here is a good place to start.

i am alive

"You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you."

this week things feel different. different in a thought provoking, wildly beautiful way. although it is a constant battle to remain present in my community and work, i am so happy to be where i am, doing what i'm doing. i'm learning more than i can explain about myself, my spirituality, my community, the global community, and health care. i am alive and my passion is stirred. this is right.

i wake up everyday so excited to go to work. to see my students. to chat with patients. to work on my spanish (que chistosa!!). what i do everyday is something i believe so deeply and profoundly in. a world where healthcare and education merge. i am energized and free. this is my world and i have never felt so alive.

read me

a teacher from my school wrote this...
http://www.tolerance.org/blog/disparities-school-lunch

the world in the hands of an angry blogger

I spent the past 5 days in Aptos, CA for a JVC re-orientation retreat. The theme was social justice. It was a time to relax and reconnect with the values that led us to JVC in the first place, and a recommittment to our work and why we are doing it. I really needed the time to reflect on my work...sometime I have been desperately putting off for a while now. JVC brought in some stellar speakers who shared their insight on Catholic Social Thought, Kinship & Social Justice, Faith in Action, and Discernment. It's slightly ironic that my last post was about Fr Greg Boyle, because he came and spoke....man, what a special guy. He spoke alot about kinship as a value as opposed to social justice. It is the idea that only by accompanying the marginalized, being one with them, and gaining a mutual understanding. That there is no them, only an us...and that in fact we belong to each other.

JVC retreats are all about engaging and interacting with our peers to build our perspective...but we are also given time to decompress and reflect in silence for a few designated hours. That time for me was emotional, profound, as I sat still in the presence of God. I reflected. I cried. And I got really angry. Like really angry. For those of you readers who know me, it takes a lot to push me over the edge, but these feelings rushed over me like a flood.

Anger that Stephanie at age 14 continually feels the need to gang bang and get high.

Anger that a 7th grader can't speak english and how scary school must be every day for him.

Anger that a 40 year old hasn't seen a doctor in years...not out of personal choice.

Anger that a 6th grader doesn't remember his address because his family is so transient.

Anger that it is taking me forever to track down a translator to help a Nepalese patient.

Anger that undocumented immigrants are too afraid to get resources that they need.

Anger that people don't receive the dignity and honor and respect that is their right...and that I can't always give it to them.

Most importantly: Anger that i'm angry at all these things and remember that the U.S. in one country with a tangled web of issues, which in comparison to other countries we are blessed to have. Ah, global perspective.

This anger, I suppose is God moving within me and setting my heart on fire. This anger, those tears....examining what is real. That was prayer.

That prayer bursting from my depths, emotions that I have neglected to release.

the soul and its worth

I just finished reading Greg Boyle's "Tattoos on the Heart." about gang life in LA. It was inspiring, and I just want to share with you all the last two paragraphs of the book that particularly struck me.

"' But in this place of which you say is a waste, there will be heard again the voice of mirth and the voice of gladness...the voices of those who sing.'

and so the voices at the margins get heard and the circle of compassion widens. Souls feeling their worth, refusing to forget that we belong to each other. No bullet can pierce this. The vision still has its time, and yes, it presses on to fulfillment. It will not disappoint. And yet, if it delays, we can surely wait for it."

I hope that the souls of my students and our patients feel their worth. in our school. in oakland. in the world.

christmas doesn't change reality

as my privileged, white, middle class behind is flown (on the dime of my parents) back home for christmas, another family mourns. a student at my school has fallen victim to gang violence in oakland. that is the second this year. where do i fit in this cycle of poverty and violence? i have means. means to money. means to education. means to a healthy lifestyle. why? because im white. im from a safe city. a stable family. oakland's youth are stripped of that. a crippled education system. inadequate health care. broken families.

as i sit in front of a fireplace, sipping wine, around people i love and love me in return...i can't help but feel a bit selfish, angry, hypocritical. yet...i am blessed. i have privilege. i have means. that MEANS i have the power and resources to fight for those who lack it.

hope floats.

Hope. It's that beautiful thing you find in the muckiest places.

Oakland is one big pile of muck. The gangs. The drugs. The violence. The fear. The innocent people who are sucked into that cycle. The suffering. It is easy for me to get lost in it all. And feel, well, hopeless. Like there is nothing I can do, nothing I can change to fix it. In a lot of ways, that's pretty darn true. The typical thought going through my head, when I go to the clinic or the school is "here comes the helpless, unqualified white girl to teach you high-risk youth about health. sweet." Sometimes it is terribly overwhelming. But in peeling away that layer of despair, I have discovered that hope is all around.

Hope is the new clinic opened at my school. You should have seen the faces of the community when they saw it. "Que bonito, que bonito." how beautiful, how beautiful. That clinic, that FREE clinic, is a symbol of hope amongst all the wrong.

Hope is my students, many of whom are involved in gangs, realize their potential and discover their leadership. It is their dedication, motivation, and investment to be a peer health educator. Hope is in their laughs, their brilliance, and their dreams. Their resiliency. Hope is Alternatives in Action (http://www.alternativesinaction.org/) , the org that coordinates all the after-school programs.

Hope is the smile from the homeless man on the corner. It lies within my casa-mates, my coworkers, and my new home in Oakland/Berkeley. It is glimmers of beauty and glimpses of God's love.

In other news I have done some pretty bomb ass things the past month

- I saw Rigoberta Menchu speak. A nobel peace prize winner.

-hiked in the Berkeley hills

-volunteered at A Day for Forgiveness

-Watched a Cal game from a hill

-went wine tasting in Napa

-Rode a Mexican party bus

-Went to House of Air. (a warehouse filled with trampolines)

More adventures to come :)